Chihori is feeling:
19-year-old, Malay-Malaysian girl. Inwardly nasty, apathetic, spoilt, think she's deep (when actually she's not), and lives in her own little world in which bishies are her slave. You best stay far, faaar away.
Quote: "Ara... zannen desu kedo, tada no ningen ni wa kyoumi ga a-r-i-m-a-s-e-n."
Aliases on the net: chihori, hana, hanasaki, shazao, sakura, hanesihiko, etc.
Birth date: 25th April
Blood type: Haven't the slightest clue. But I swear it's AB.
Pets: Cats. (Wish I had a dragon, tho.)
Hobbies: Drawing, lazing-around, sleeping, watching tv, surfing the net, brooding (and acting all angsty), staring vacantly into space
Likes: Money, most things Japanese, holidays, shopping, fur, boots, bishies (espicially ones with white hair/golden eyes/ the name "Ryuu"), good pairings, happy endings, shoujo
Hates: To be thought as the 'nice'/ innocent girl, Mondays, annoying little brats, that EVILness called ‘math’, tests/exams, studying, sickness, embarassing situations, rainy Sundays, sad endings, people who do not comprehend the blissfulness of solitude (and proceeds to trample upon mine)
Things I can’t live without: All the neccessary living essentials, TV, anime, manga, shoujo, correction fluid, money, internet connection, fanfics, and god knows what else.
Desperately needs: A camcorder, 72 Copic Sketch marker set, light-box, violin
What my town needs: A LARGE Kinokuniya bookstore. Period.
Fav. Shows: Scrubs, CSI, House, Mythbusters, anything interesting on Discovery Channel
J-singers: Every Little Thing, Kokia, Kiroro, fictionjunction, Kajiura Yuki, Sakamoto Ma'aya, Angela Aki
Fav. Band: Evanescence, The Corrs
Anime movies: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi a.k.a. Spirited Away, Munto II
Anime I wish to watch:Juuni Kokki, Fruits Basket, Fullmetal Alchemist, Munto I & Munto III, Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto
Manga wishlist:Dazzle vol.5, Shinshi Doumei Cross vol.1, Kiss for My Prince vol.1, NOW, Vampire Knight vol. 2, Moon Boy vol. 3, La Corda d'Oro vol. 3
Manhwa: NOW, Cyber Doll, Mong Hwan Back Seo
Seiyuu: Souichirou Hoshi, Ishida Akira, Toshihiko Seki, Yamaguchi Kappei, Tange Sakura, Yoshida Sayuri, Tanaka Rie, Makino Yui, Irino Miyu
Latest craze:Shinshi Doumei Cross; The Gentlemen Alliance, Vampire Knight, Nodame Cantabile doramaLa Corda d'Oro
Worships: CLAMP, Minekura Kazuya, Miyazaki Hayao, Moriyama Daisuke, Yukiru Sasaki, KuboTite, Hyung Tae-Kim
Bishies: Son Goku, Cho Hakkai [Saiyuki], Li Syaoran, Yue [CCS], Inuyasha [InuYasha], Ichijouji Ken [Digimon 02], Eriosu [SM], Hayate [Pretear], Haku [Spirited Away], Tsuzuki Asato [Yami no Matsuei], Amakusa Ryuu [Tantei G Q], Narumi Ayumu [Spiral], Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto [Naruto], Chrno [Chrno Crusade], Ichigo [Bleach], Kunisaki Yukito [A i R], Enn Mu [MHBS], Syaoran, Fai [Tsubasa], Daisuke, Dark [D.N.A], Calintz [Magna Carta], Hikaru, Akira [HikaGo], Tsukimori Len, Hihara [La Corda]
Cliques: Cursed Wings UpdatesKristinMurasaki
Links: Japanese Dictionary
Japanese Dict.x 2
Fanfiction.netMy Deviantart siteMy Side7 Art SiteRokudaime
Credits:The icons in this site are not mine. You can find most of their creators here
Currently reading [fics]:Demons Etc - NightElfCrawler [Chrno Crusade: CxR] Chain - Chikage Stollen [Spiral: Ayuhiyo]The Covenant - ChibiSamiSala [Chrno Crusade: CxR]A Second Chance - Fall's Plight [Chrno Crusade: CxR]Path to Tamaran - anna-neko [Teen Titan: robxstar]Chuunin - Flashfyre5 [Naruto: narusaku]Matsuri - Kristin Olson [S.A: HakuSen]Jagged Amber - StarJade [CCS:S+S]Rurouni Naruto - MsgBoardHobo [Naruto: narusaku]Bitten - Rio Grande [Inuyasha: InuKag]
Recommended Fics: [completed]Transcending A Dynasty - JadeWing [InuYasha: InuKag]Denizens of Darkness, Harbingers of Light - NightElfCrawler [Chrno Crusade: CxR]28 Days - Rosefire InuYasha: [InuKag]Genin - Flashfyre5 [Naruto: narusaku]Wildflower - PeaceWish [CCS: S+S]Guiding Star - anna_neko [Teen Titans: robxstar]Gold Tinted Spectacles - Beren [HP: H/D]In Which Ginny's Clumsiness Finally Pays Off - Lil2 [HP: D+G]
© Uzumaki Naruto Fan! ©
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I've moved to:
Feel free to drop by even though I doubt you'll find anything particularly interesting there. XD;
Why livejournal? Hmm.... honestly, I have no idea. I think the icon/avatar thing appeals to me.
LOL~ I realize it's not very 'reader friendly' since you can only comment as "Anonymous" if you
don't already have an lj ID. Hmm.... but there's also the OpenID option which sounds convenient
but I don't quite understand it. And you can't put a tagboard on lj!!! EGHADS~!!! Or can you?
Someone teach me, please, if that's the case.
Posted at 06:23 pm by Chihori
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Current song: Kiss & Cry - Utada Hikaru
Quote of the day:
"'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that is--
"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--
"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear
to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than
what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise""
-- Lewis Carroll: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Just a transcript of my YM! conversation with a friend. Contains some tidbits of what I'm going through at the moment. It just occured to me that this is a 'cheap' and easy way of coming up with an entry and upgrading my blog from its current 'DEAD' condition. Read if you're interested. Lol. Sorry but a lot of the words are in Malay.
Hana: tim... tgh bt ape
kaitensama: lukis sailor cosmos
Hana: kite dh tanye dh psl boots tu kt kdai BLAY. diorg x simpan stock lame.
kaitensama: so mmg takdela
Hana: rase cm nak tido balik la. ngantuk
kaitensama: dah makan pancakeS?
kaitensama: sedap? XDD
kaitensama: awak makan yg mane?
Hana: x ingt la..... byk sgt
kaitensama: awak mkn byk? @_@
Hana: tp yg chocolate tu xde
Hana: tak... byk sgt dlm menu. x ingt mane satu
Hana: die ade pisang, dgn nuts, dgn peach
kaitensama: saya suke makan ni
kaitensama: Pot of gold
kaitensama: dia ada marshmallows
kaitensama: ngan ice cream
kaitensama: ngan pancake dia kecik2 and banyak
Hana: lain kali la
kaitensama: yg tu murah n kenyang and sedaaaap
kaitensama: haaa betul
kaitensama: sedap? XD
Hana: kenyang sgt
kaitensama: kan!! lain kali jom gi ramai2!
Hana: honeycomb butter die best
kaitensama: ahhh yesssss
kaitensama: wahh.tau tak lepas awak sms tu
kaitensama: sy terbayang2
kaitensama: pastu sy duk kacaua kengkawan sy suruh bawak sy gi makan pancake
kaitensama: tak sabar nak get thru dis semester
kaitensama: oo rupenye
kaitensama: hari tu 4 hari charuk breakdown
kaitensama: dia kata 4 hari tu emo gile,buat semua bende tak jadi
kaitensama: dia frust sampai tak wat keje
kaitensama: baru hari ni dia ok dia kata
kaitensama: so hari ni baru dia start
Hana: ooo dh start
kaitensama: dia dah buat 2 saat
kaitensama: dia lukis
kaitensama: dia kata dia trace kat tingkap sbb monitor tak cerah
kaitensama: so sekarang taktau dia pakai apa
Hana: haa 2 saat.... byk tu (<--- 1 seconds = 25 frames, 2 seconds = 50 pages of drawings)
Hana: mate pedih sbb nangis td.....ngantuk.
kaitensama: ye ke?
kaitensama: sbb bots?
Hana: kite ckp kat ayah kite cm xleh handle course
Hana: pastu psl mce bodo tu (MCE - codename for Computer Environment)
Hana: pastu pasal byk bende dlm course ni yg kite suke.... and nnti sem 2 nnti lg byk bnde yg x suke tp kene bt
kaitensama: pastu ayah awak ckp ape?
Hana: die ckp mcm biase la. die kate nak bt cmne. dh pilih masuk sini
kaitensama: pastu awak ckp apa?
Hana: kite ckp tau la. nak complain kt die je.
Hana: die kate tabahkan hati.
kaitensama: tulah dia
kaitensama: kalau quit pun nak gi mane kan
kaitensama: takkan ayah awak nak kasi awak duk umah je
Hana: die kate tula mase mula2 tamau amik course pelancongan tu.
Hana: x hbs2 dgn pelancongan
Hana: kalau kite amik course tu, nnti kite akan haunted by prasaan mcm I can do better with my time
Hana: mcm..... dlm kite tgh belajar bende yg juauh giler dr minat kite, org lain dh g jauh, dh surpass kite in terms off skills and etc etc.
Hana:x larat kot nak live mcm tu.....
Hana: dok pk what u lost.... what u missed
Hana:skrg pon cm tu gak
Hana: dlm tgh dok berkerut dahi pk psl mce,
Hana: org lain dh tambah satu lagi file utk portfolio diorg
Hana: dh leh sketch mcm nobody's business....
Hana: xdela... ni contoh contoh
Hana: tp btol la kan. TOA student msti byk giler dlm portfolio diorg? kalau dh ari2 lukis
Hana: ni nak ari2 lukis pon xde mase
Hana: pastu, sempat bt doodle bangang2 yg mmg xleh nak tunjuk kt org pon
Hana: cmne la nak build portfolio?
Hana: instead of drawing, kene handle mende bodo lain.
Hana: MCE tu, photography tu... bende mcm2 la
Hana:diorg boleh fully concentrate kt drawing
Hana: hari2 pon draw mcm nak gila
Hana: at least, leh pnuhkan portfolio.... seksa cmne pon
Hana: nampak la ade point in doing those stuff
Hana: at least they have things to show bile dh habis blaja nnti
Hana: kite nak tunjuk ape? course pnuh ngan bende yg half-heartedly buat je. hasilnyer x baik pon. bende yg suke bt, xde time nak bt. nak tunjuk ape la bile dh kuar nnti.
Hana: last skali ntah2 drawings jugak yg kamu tunjuk. tp drawing lak x byk pon
Hana: sbb bkn slalu lukis
Hana: yela.... nak cr keje nnti kamu tunjuk ke mce punye assignment?
Hana: this is my solution for CD burning
Hana: *insert big smile*
Hana: kite takut nnti dlm nak survive, you loose both. bende yg amik utk this course pon x bagus,
Hana: ur skills in the things that u like doing pon x bgs
Hana: in the end
kaitensama: saa rase awah dah sum up ape yg sy fikir
kaitensama: *saya rase awak
Hana: bile dpn ayah kite kite x leh nak luahkan btol2. die x kuar the way i want
Hana: i came across as a brat complaining that she can't handle things.... cmtu. tp ade byk bende disebalik those complaints. mcm kite risau psl ape nak jd in the future
Hana: tp kite rase kite x ckp pasal tu
Hana: it never comes out right in words
Hana: so last skali, x ckp
Hana: u turn and turn the words in ur head tp when u try to day it rase mcm gile x btol
Hana: pastu jd letih... n end up x ckp anyway
kaitensama: saya takyah nak cube pun ngan mak saa
kaitensama: she wouldnt listen when it comes to art
Hana: haa in general.... i'm just really tired. i used up all my motivation worrying about things and just... surviving up untill now.
Hana: now i'm....
Hana: one thing i wish for is numbness
Hana: at least... leh continue mcm ni but xyah dh worry about other people's thoughts towards my becoming this way
Hana:x yh bothered about crushing other people's expectations ke ape ke
Hana: cuz i dun feel anything
Hana: sadly that is not the case.
Hana: kan senang kalau mmg xde prasaan
kaitensama: saya pun nak
kaitensama: either that
kaitensama: or optimistic sgt
kaitensama: sampai tak kisah
kaitensama: tak worry pape
kaitensama: tgk nad n ekeen mcm takde worries je
kaitensama: saye lak asyik cuak and worried and buat diri sendiri rase unworthy semua
Hana: ha'ah optimistik melampau pon boleh gak
kaitensama: at least mcm
kaitensama: ada sense of self-worthy sikit ke
kaitensama: atau mcm aina,tgk bende best terus inspired
kaitensama: saye tgk org lain punye bende hebat terus rase lagi down
kaitensama: tgk org improve rase depressed instead of happy for them
kaitensama: happy la for them
kaitensama: but more depressed for myself
kaitensama: meh dc
Hana: mcm..... meter happy: ___________________80%
Hana: meter depress_____________________100%+++++
Hana: *off the chart*
kaitensama: tapi bile kite citer kat org2 happy
kaitensama: diorang tak paham
kaitensama: sbb tak pernah rase kot
Hana: kite takut mau cite
Hana: nnti dipandang serong
Hana: mcm........ : bdk ni cm emo terlebih
Hana: tp mmg emo pon
kaitensama: saya citer kat ekeen kot
kaitensama: oo hahaha
kaitensama: pastu kene marah
kaitensama: wah xD''
Hana: ekeen apsal
kaitensama: ekeen mane suke dgr org sedih2 xD
Hana: bkn kite mau sedeh pon
Hana: my brain is wired this way since i was born
Hana: i think this way
Hana: any other way i might as well dun exist in the first place
Hana: wow.... maybe i should've have chosen phsycology instead
Hana: totally unrelated punye bende..
Hana: and.... at least leh tau la knape i think this way
Hana: and leh motivate diri sendiri
Hana: jd ur own personal shrink
kaitensama: dulu mase 13,14 tahun org pandang sy cam konon2 hebat lah
kaitensama: pastu suddenly mcm saye stopped,mcm langsung takleh nak buat dah
kaitensama: pastu saye depressed sorang2 XD
kaitensama: campur ngan tension kat sekolah (wahehhe)
kaitensama: sebab dulu tuition saye tetiap hari dari habis sekolah sampai 10malam
kaitensama: pastu org sumer expect sy buat hebat2 sbb family sy lain2 sumer hebat tapi nak buat camne kalau dah tak pandai tu kan >.>
kaitensama: tapi nak lukis pun mase tu cam dah takleh
kaitensama: pastu ooooooooh oh pastu org ssssuuuuuuke sgt marah sy
kaitensama: mcm...mcm Nodame XDDDDDDDD
Hana: oooohhh wow.
kaitensama: cm diorg tak puas hati coz they think they know i can do better ke hape tah
Hana: sounds like the beginings of a hikikomori. cmtu la.
kaitensama: tapi dah kalau takleh buat tu takleh lah kot?
Hana: btol btol
kaitensama: so graf sy tinggi mase saya form 1 n 2 jelah
kaitensama: after that dia remain constant sampai sekarang
kaitensama: while org lain naik
kaitensama: sy paling sensitif bile org tegur/marah sy pasal improvement
kaitensama: mcm mase ms vim dulu marah sbb sy mcm...same je sedangkan org lain yg awal2 tak terer dah improve camtu.saya balik tu nangis
Hana: kite rase
Hana: org lain leh naik..... sbb kite rase mindset diorg different
Hana: diorg leh forget easily.... i mean, they can get over things
Hana: instead of fretting over them
Hana: mcm..... one failure and they can just get pass that point
Hana: kalau kite.... kite akan lament over that one failure
kaitensama: pastu diorang tgk bende tu mcm motivation
Hana: for the rest of my life kot
kaitensama: saye pun
Hana: sbb tu diorg leh go forward
kaitensama: mcm failure saya mase form 1 form 2 tu saya ingat sampai sekarang,mcm trauma
kaitensama: wahh tauma XD
Hana: ha'ah. kite x leh. sbb x leh get pass all the times I tripped, stumbled, fell....
Hana: x leh lupe
Hana: pastu jd takut
Hana: and expect bende tu lg in the future
Hana: pastu end up...... not moving forward at all.
Hana: fearing an inexistent fear
Hana: i know my problem....... contrary to what others might think about people such as myself
Hana: diorg pk maybe kite org ni x phm ape
Hana: but actually, i'm well aware of whay's wrong
Hana: but xleh nak fix
Hana: the way of fixing it... method tu.... xleh apply la plak.
Hana: cm... methodnyer u must get over it la. and think positive
Hana: but the hell... that's my problem in the first place
Hana: key word is UNABLE to do that
Hana: so the solution... is actually the problem to begin with
Hana: cmne tu
kaitensama: camne tu juge
kaitensama: mcm perlukan hypnosis je
Hana: wow... i should be a shrink
Hana: yes, yes i think so too
Not an artwork, actually. Just a snapshot for my dA ID.
Hirari and hydrangeas. Practice piece.
Posted at 04:52 am by Chihori
Friday, August 10, 2007
Current song: LIFE - Nakashima Mika
Quote of the day:
"A lively, disinterested, persistent looking for truth is extraordinarily rare. Action and faith enslave thought, both of them in order not to be troubled or inconvenienced by reflection, criticism or doubt."
-- Henri-Fradaric Amiel
Is it that my brain's just wired differently than others?
What may seem extraordinarily simple to most people, would go beyond the borders of complexity when it comes to me. Why do I complicate things more than necessary? Why do I insist on deliberately torturing myself with thoughts that are of no immediate significance, thoughts that would only reduce me into a wimpering, cowardly idiot, even when I know better? That which is normal would often come across as alien to me.
Human interaction is a good example.
People do it everyday; some may crave for it, even. But often times, to me it is just utterly and completely exhausting.
Mostly character design assignment related stuff.
Chanta Fey - Final Design
Chanta Fey - 2D Turn-around
Chanta Fey - Expression Sheet
Posted at 04:33 am by Chihori
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Current song: Claire de Lune - Claude Debussy
Quote of the day: "It's Twilight. It's the safest time of day for us.
The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way...
the end of another day, the return of the night.
Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"
-- Edward Cullen [Twilight - Stephanie Meyer]
Yes, yes so I have fallen...
..... for a fictional character. Haha! Saw that coming a mile away, didn't you? Didn't you??! *is shot*
Well, you see... I'm currently quite enthusiastically into a certain book (and it's been a while since I last read anything other than manga), called Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Out of the graciousness of my heart, which is feeling particularly light at the moment since I'm presently discussing about the object of my affection, I shall spare you my usually long-winded babble of how my encounter with the said book was so utterly fated it must've been practically written in the stars, etcetera, etcetera. LOL~
I will try my best to refrain myself from going too overboard with my rant and make this as briefly as I possibbly can..... hopefully. Firstly, it's a romance/drama/thriller kind of book (I'm not really sure about the thriller part but I guess I'll be getting there, I haven't finished the whole thing yet. XD;) and god forbid if I ever read anything with no romance or 'Japan' in it *laughs sheepishly*. Anyway... I'm surprised that it's got quite a reputation on the net, not quite like Harry Potter of course, but it's got a solid fanbase, very good reviews and seemed pretty popular other than the part where I have never heard of it before... but then again, I'm a bad subject of example, aren't I? Well, after some research on the net, I finally bought it at Kinokuniya (which was totally unnecessary cause apparently, even the often less-than-adequate bookstores back home had it in stock. Surprising, really.) and gave it a try.
Imagine my delight to find it so absolutely... perfect. I was quite wary at first... admittedly I have a list of not-so-pleasant encounters with 'young adult fiction' in the past to warrant a certain cautiousness when dealing with speciments of its kind. LOL~ But Twilight is beyond what I'd expected... it was better and so much more. It was what I've been looking for, for god knows how long. But of course, the signs had been good from the start.... Right from the tasteful cover (ah, yes I can be very shallow, actually), the 434 word count (more is always good, of course), the normal font size (I DESPISE large fonts used in certain YA novels. I find them very insulting) and the prose.... oh how I love the prose. Beautiful, dreamy, tasteful and incredibly witty at parts. I don't know.... I guess I was expecting something a lot less... mature? ... and that's based on experience. I was very happy to find that it exeeded my expectations on so many levels. I was deeply satisfied.
The story.... it's a conventional tale (since I can hardly say this has never been done before) about a girl and a boy in an unconventional love... since the girl is human while the boy happens to be a vampire. Hold it, you Buffy fans (not that I am one, lol. Never seen the show.) or non-Buffy fans for that matter! Before you scoff, I can safely say that Twilight pwns Buffy in the face! Real hard. LOL~ Honestly though.... I know Twilight doesn't sound out of the ordinary if I describe the basics of it in 3 short paragraphs... but it does so ROCK. Magnificently, might I add! The author managed to convey the dynamics and difficulties of such an unusual relationship so realistically that it's almost as if it is not far-fetched to think that such a relationship could and does exist in the real world. It is that grounded. And I love the characters.
The story is narrated by the female protagonist, Bella Swan, whose sarcasm I absolutely adore (she's practically the voice in my head sometimes). She's very likable...... and, to my joy and chagrin, very much like me in some ways. LOL~ Snort all you want. I'm annoyed that I can never compete with the utter brilliance in the way Meyer writes such a character (now that she's written it first, anything else that comes close to it would forever be damned as unoriginality)... but I digress. Yes, moving on. The male lead of the story, also the one I fell for (granted it's a hopeless love doomed to be eternally unreciprocated due to the obvious fact that he's both fictional and taken), is Edward Cullen whose exquisite vocabulary alone is sufficient enough to snag my heart away. Haha. <3 He is very charming and also very human (as the readers will soon see as the story progresses). I can't find apt words to describe him without sounding like a rabid fangirl so I will stop at that. LOL~ I also love the setting of the story, a small town called Forks which "exists under a near-constant cover of clouds", and as Bella describes, "...was too green - An alien planet." The descriptions were so vividly beautiful that I became irrationally fascinated by this 'wet' town and googled it. Yes, you read right. There is indeed, a Forks, situated within the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington..... and so began my digging for pictures. LOL~ I didn't find much but it truly is as picturesque as it sounded. I like the 'feel' of Forks.... sort of dreamy and surreal... ideally suited for the story. In my head, I can already see green trees in 'soft focus'... smell the damp grass.... hear the patter of rain against rooftop...
Obsessive much? Lol~
Twilight is the first of a trilogy. The second installment, New Moon is already out.... as is the third, Eclipse (but not outside of the US, if I'm not mistaken). The books have been translated into many languages (even Turkish... wow) and the Japanese covers are especially appealing (to my eyes, anyway). They come with illustrations too! Lucky nihonjin!
Japanese Twilight Covers (and others)
Note the manga-styled art on the Japanese covers~ *__* Manga Edward is so.... delicious.
On other things. I forgot to put a link to my new art. LOL... not quite so new anymore though. It's the finished gift/trade art for Luciole. I honestly am trying to draw more. I swear.
Maiden: Flawed Beauty (Please full view.)
Eh..... very golden. Mostly 'cause of the Photoshop effect. Depending on your monitor settings, it can appear close to blinding. LOL~ You're forewarned. I don't like gold very much, actually, but that's irrelevant. The girl is Rikyou, a character from my very loop-holey, very cliche, non-existent story: Hanne no Monogatari. Rikyou is rarely drawn.... so I wanted to give her a brief chance in the spotlight. Hmm.... she's a very vague character I haven't really 'fleshed out' yet (being as un-creative as I am). Basically, she is a former 'Hanne' the chosen maiden way (we're talking about centuries waaay) before Hirari. She has a sort of... uh, relationship?... with Hiioryuu; not romantically though (but it could be. Hmm hmm...), but they are unspokenly close. Rikyou is.... perfect. Too perfect. So perfect that she's just waiting to break. Due to reasons unknown, she was murdered, the blame placed heavily upon Hiioryuu. Whether that's true or not remains anyone's guess. The mechanical gears in the background are inspired very much by CLAMP's X artworks, the outfit by Range Murata. The green orbs are there just to fill in the space. Lol!
Posted at 04:28 pm by Chihori
Friday, March 16, 2007
All she wanted was to lock herself up in utter darkness...
Hanne no Monogatari
"Admit it. You're just frustrated that you're such a coward and instead of acting upon it, you're simply venting your anger onto someone else."
Hirari sank to the floor in defeated silence. Once again, she wished that she could dissipate into thin air and conveniently cease to distress about the matter. She could not bring herself to come up with a clever comeback, for she knew what the person was telling her were true.
She stared blankly ahead from her unceremonious position on the floor, her eyes far-off and glassy. Her lips quivered to utter something so faintly that even the still air could've easily blown it away.
"Is it so wrong to be weak…?"
Her words were met with silence. She could not bring herself to look up to those eyes that were surely looking down at her in condemnation. A low groan of aggravation escaped her throat as she let her head down upon her knees. Her hands found their way to her hair, grasping the auburn tresses in fists as if the action would offer her the least bit of comfort.
She hated herself. Nothing has changed. No matter where she was or how far she'd run, she was plagued by the same sense of helplessness. The fear would not leave her be.
She was beyond saving.
All she wanted was to lock herself up in utter darkness.
Oh, how she wished for the darkness. She wanted nothing but numbness. Longed for the cold and the unfeeling. If she were a void, then perhaps she could erase the vulnerable part of her being that threatened to crumble under the slightest bit of pressure ever so frequently.
She was dead tired of it all. Yes, she was a coward... a coward after all.
Posted at 09:32 pm by Chihori
Thursday, March 08, 2007
To YOU who may or may not know who you are.
Current song: Apres Un Reve (After a Dream) - Gabriel Faure.
Quote of the day:
"I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows."
-Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854
who may or may not know who you are. Either way, I don't care. If this reaches the appropriate person, all the better! In any case, I won't shed a single thought even if it does not. Do excuse my usage of certain words. On the contrary, I am not angry (or maybe I am *shrug*). Slightly annoyed, yes... and mildly amused that it even managed to reach a point where I'd have to resort to this. Geh... this much drama..... iritates me.
What in blazes do you want me to do? Enlighten me. Since subtlety did not seem to produce the desired outcome, I have approached this matter with the utmost 'bluntness' that's within my capabilities and yet, I have failed time and time again to deliver the message across. It does seem, though, that I only fueled your actions even more, though feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Did I ever do anything to string you along? To lead you on? To give you any sort of sign that the feeling is mutual or that I am even remotely comfortable with such a feeling? If yes, then by god I do appologize. That was not and NEVER will be my intentions.
You see, if it weren't all so mind-numbingly obvious, I would've dismissed the whole matter entirely (as I did in the beginning but lately, the SIGNS flaunted left and right became too much that even feigning ignorance is a nobel-worthy feat!).
By all means, it is your right to feel what you feel. I certainly can't blame you for that which was why I told you that I don't care. Like me or not, it isn't my bussiness at all. The fault is neither yours as it is mine. I have no... ability to refrain you from that feeling. But I had thought that you'd posess enough tact to at least keep those feelings to youself as it is unrequited. You have the freedom to feel. But I have absolutely no desire to know about those feelings. Don't flaunt them in front of me. No. Don't.
Urm.... I still don't understand why I even need to come up with this entry when I thought I have made it quite clear to you before. Not interested, were my exact words. I asked you the question just to confirm it. Your answer did not convey direct denial, nor was it a confession. Clever. I'll give you that. But the result is this MESS. Because without your YES/NO, it became virtually impossible for me to properly reject your affections (assuming there ever IS one since you never did admit it.) Hence, there was never a closure. Though I'd wager there's a 90% possibility considering the signs littered in your blog alone. Dear, dear, I may be an idiot sometimes but I am not, by a longshot, the dumbest creature alive (you need to work on your cryptic language). I do find pretending to be ignorant most of the time saves me a lot of trouble, though. But in your case, this tactic is useless. If not, I wouldn't be doing this, would I?
I apologize if I've given you the cold shoulder lately. I just don't want you to read too much from my actions (should I appear to be too friendly) and see it as false hope, though I trust you're probably smarter than that.
Or am I wrong?
I seem to still get certain 'vibes' from you... and that only makes it VERY very awkward to be around you in general. It'd be better if things were like old times. It was awkward then, yeah but not as much as it is now. Dealing with guys was never my kinda thing.
For the record, please don't think so highly of me. I am NOT cute (it was flattering yeah, but not after the next few times of somewhat similar compliments...). NOT innocent either (hahaha if you only knew the evils that go through my head, I doubt you'd see me within the same golden light ever again... >__>). I don't like to live up to anyone's expectations just because they see me as someone I totally am not. There's really a lot you don't know about me. You failed to grasp even the barest bit, even after all this while. Cause if you did, then it wouldn't even come close to this. You would've known when to stop.
Oh... and don't think that everything I did was to avoid you. I mean... really. Most of the things I did were a natural reaction that I have for those particular situations. I'm just plain lazy and I'd like to avoid any turbulence as much as I can. I'm quite fine with living my life as I am, the way I am, thanks. I find that thoughts about guys other than the occasional, innocent gushing that this or that one is "CUTE!", immensely TROUBLESOME. There is ZERO chance of that happening anytime in the near future. So don't even attempt to go there.
Thank you, kindly for the thought. But the next time we see each other, let's just act NORMALLY, like we did before this bothersome thing ever started. Stop sending me THOSE VIBES! It's so *toot*ing uncomfortable!!! (pardon my language, but that's just how INTENSE the feeling is). Really uncool. LOL.
Just. Friends. Okay? I am, after all, a self-declared expert at selected ignorance. I think I can manage to act like nothing happened. It may take a looong while to get rid of the 'awkwardness' though. Sorry if I accidentally mentioned things that may not sit well with you or whatever. It's not to embarass you or anything so don't be. I hope this clears things up nicely. Cause if I have to do something like this again, lord save me, I would definitely not be as civil as I am now. And you would definitely not like that. Believe me.
Not all my intimidating words are empty threats, you know. Oh, if you only knew... *cackles*
P/S: Oh yes. Please don't bother me so much for nothing. I'm saying this nicely. It's okay to chat now and then online or whatever but I really value my space and I guard it with jealousy. Like a dog. With snarls and fangs attached. (Hmm.... quite the inappropriate comparison but you get the point.) I'm not the social type like some of my friends that you know. So don't expect me to react in the same way they do.
Can't believe I wasted my precious DF-assignment time to write this thing.
Posted at 10:10 pm by Chihori
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
La Corda rantings... you don't want to know.
Be warned! This entry contains spoilers up to the recent episode of La Corda.
I'm sure there are quite a lot of individuals who scoff at La Corda's premise-- Huh, girl is given a magic violin that anyone can play and enters a music competition? How fair is that? Lame.
If such is the case, then that's a real shame. I'm not claiming La Corda to be a spectacular piece of work but it definitely does have its moments and surprisingly, quite a lot of 'em too! It has the makings of a pretty good story: comedy, drama, romance, fantasy, intrigue & a wee bit of action thrown in. It certainly does not deserve to be cast aside down to the very bottom of the food chain. Before making any conclusions, I suggest giving the series a REAL try. Making biased assumptions by simply reading the synopsis or skimming through a single episode? Haha… now that is lame.
Since the beginning I knew La Corda has a lot more to offer despite its seemingly simple (or 'lame', if you prefer) premise. I mean…. with an unassuming storyline like that, you've got to be just a teeny bit suspicious, no? True, she's got a magic violin but it isn't all easy breezy throughout the story for Hino. Initially, she joined the competition upon Lili's (the school's resident fairy/fata) desperate pleas. Hino, herself, realizes that what she's doing is unfair to the rest of the competitors (and we are constantly reminded of this throughout the story). Lili insists, however, that her point in entering the competition isn't to win. Rather, Lili hopes that Hino would be able to spread the joy of music to the school once more. Considering this, Hino finally relents. But as we all know, even the most well-meant lies have the uncanny habit of drawing us deeper and deeper until finally we're hopelessly tangled-up in them. Thus is the lesson learned by our heroine. When she actually begins to win against her other competitors (who are obviously more-deserving since they've been into this for far longer than she), Hino's guilt intensifies but she could no longer back down. Also, she had begun to develop a genuine love and appreciation for music and actually wanted to play the violin for real. Later on, her guilt lead her to obsess over practicing more and more as a compensation for her 'cheating'... as a result, her studies and relationship with close friends suffered so badly that Lili decided to take back the violin for a little while. During her non-violin period, Hino realizes that she had been so desperate to get better (so she wouldn't feel so terrible in winning against the other competitors) that she had forgotten what was truly important - To actually enjoy playing the instrument. It also surprises her how much she had missed playing the violin. Once it was returned to her, she promised herself that she would give the concours her best.
Though it was said that anyone can play the magic violin, it still requires a certain degree of skill. This was proven when Hino tried to play it the first time due to a challenge and only managed to produce a horrible 'sckreeek'. One must put all his/her heart into the song in order to play it on the magic violin successfully and that involves some considerable level of familiarity and understanding of the piece. One thing to note is that the magic on the violin is not permanent. Even with regular 'maintenance', its magic would surely disperse eventually. This is another reality that Hino has to face… and soon, considering the amount of practice she's been doing lately, the violin is almost close to wearing out. This was probably the outcome the series is trying to achieve all along…. that in the end, Hino has to rely on her own abilities. In a way too, the magic violin has been her 'training wheels', honing her skills without her knowing. Compared to when she first started, her playing now is considerably better.
The most recent, episode 16 - Usotsuki no Violin (The False Violin). I have only one word for it. Angst! Oooh yeah bring it!! XD LOL! I'm actually pretty giddy after watching episode 16. Finally, the series has taken a slightly more melancholic tone as Hino is starting to really feel the burden of keeping her secret about the magic violin. I've been looking forward for a turn of events such as this. Shoujo should have more angst... then perhaps people would start to take it more seriously. >__>
Hino, Tsukimori, Shimizu, Hihara and Ousaki-sempai taught some children the violin. The episode started light-heartedly enough with some really nice HinoxTsukimori moments. Hino was understandably nervous, saying she could not play something that she's never heard of before and only practiced for a short while. Tsukimori however, uncharacteristically offered to play the hard parts of the song which surprises Hino a little. His response to her reaction was a blunt, "Nanda?". Aww.... we all know Tsuki is a big softie inside... lol! XD
LOL! XD During their performance, Hino played a little too quickly (the gang's reaction when she did this was brief but amusing). Unusually, Tsukimori yet again helps Hino by whispering to her to follow his tempo. Upon his words, she manages to correct her playing and they succeeded in ending the song in harmony with thunderous applause from their little audiences. After the performance, she thanked Tsukimori for his help. He askes what was she doing playing like that and tells her to get a hold of herself. Hino agrees whole-heartedly and apologizes to him. Tsukimori is surprised as he was used to her getting all annoyed with his attitude, and tells her whenever she's facing difficulties (in playing) she should be honest about it. Then, he (actually) smiles at her. *gasp!* In turn, Hino thinks that he's somehow a lot gentler. Hihara arrives and is disappointed that the performance is over. Tsukimori curtly says there's nothing worth seeing anyway. Seeing his change of attitude, Hino quickly amends her thought, '...or should I say, "He was gentle"?' Later on, Hino watches the children having fun with the violin and without noticing, muses out loud how she wished she too had started the violin from a young age. Hihara hears her say this and puzzles over her words.
The episode takes on a different mood during the second half in which Hino tried playing a normal violin as it had occurred to her that she had never picked one up before. Her playing was obviously bad and although she had expected this, she was still deeply saddened by it. She tells herself that she knows it has nothing to do with the sound (but rather because she could only play well with the magical violin). Unbeknownst to her, Tsukimori had been listening in the shadows all this while. He then came up to her, asking what was it that she 'knows' and demands she explain her awful playing. Hino is alarmed by his questions but is saved by Hihara who barged in thinking that she needed some help to carry the violins. Seeing an opportunity to escape, Hino fled, leaving Hihara in confusion and Tsukimori pondering her behavior.
Outside, Hino recalls how she always ends up lying in such circumstances and wonders since when did she become that way. She is approached by a group of kids who thanked her for the performance earlier. This of course only made her even more depressed. She then asks them whether they hate liars. Their reply was obvious. Unable to hold back her emotions, Hino started to cry while they tried in vain to comfort her. Behind her, Hihara looks on worriedly without her knowing. (P/S: Please hover over the screencaps for dialogues/ descriptions)
At school, Tsuchiura spots her sitting behind the door at the school roof. Noticing that she was down, he asks her what's wrong. Hino opens her mouth to tell him but decides not to in the end and dismisses it as nothing. Tsuchiura is unconvinced and points out that it must be something she'd rather not talk to him about. Realizing that he was somewhat upset, she quickly amends saying, "That's not it!" Out of nowhere, Tsukimori suddenly entered the scene which caused Hino to quickly come up with an excuse of having to return to class to avoid facing him.
Hino forces herself to work harder. Realizing that it hurt her to deceive others, she tries to convince herself that the least she could do was to continue practicing and perhaps she'd be able to improve, even slightly. "Even if that's impossible, just a little bit... if I can be closer to becoming the real thing..."
Her playing turns desperate and was sounding worse by the minute until Tsukimori grabs her hand to stop her. Tsukimori tells Hino that he really doesn't understand her. He heard that she was new at violin but her skills indicated otherwise. However… the way she played yesterday…
He noted that back then (when she was playing the ordinary violin), it didn't seem like she was fooling around and says it was almost like she could only play well with her own violin. Shocked by the precision of his words, Hino denies such a thing was possible and he agrees saying it doesn't matter what secrets she kept from him. What mattered was her sincerity toward music and the concours. He finally tells her that because of this, he is unable to accept her and leaves.
Posted at 01:33 am by Chihori
Friday, January 12, 2007
University life, final assignment, La Corda...
Current songs: Flame - Tsukimori Len (La Corda d'Oro)
Quote of the day:
So my love, watch over me now
My rage catches fire, I will strike them down
-- Forever Walking Alone, Dragonland.
I think it's still not too late to wish everyone a Happy New Year! As for me, it's the end-of-semester holidays again. Three weeks. THREE measly weeks. Sulking about it won't help lengthen them, I suppose. I swear to god (and to several random people) that I'd finish my art trade and yet, it's condition is still exactly where I left it with but little progress in the skin and hair. The background is still blank because I'm being picky, having left my one and only pen-like eraser at my hostel dorm in Cyberjaya, plus the abscence of shape rulers which I needed to draw circles required in the background. Of course, according to my mom, I can always use the lid of a bottle or something. But you know how I am. Luciole, hang in there! I'll get it finished... Somehow. >__>;
Hmm... I actually have tons of stuff to write about but knowing myself, I'd probably only end up typing out a-mere-third of them. I keep forgetting stuff when I'm typing, recalling them once more only when the lights are out and I'm snug under covers and too lazy to do anything else.
University life is... well... quite the same as high school, I must say. To yours truly, anyway. The only difference is you can wear what you want, wake up a little later, and... that's about it. I'm still facing the same load of stress (or perhaps more), still worrying over unnecessary stuff, ducking away from embarassing situations, fretting over my obvious lack of skill in the 'human interaction' department, puzzling over how to handle the opposite sex, so on and so forth. Honestly, if you ask me how I find my university life, I'd have no idea what to say. There's nothing I truly hate or love about it. It just.... IS. A phase in my life that I have to go through. Nothing more, nothing less. It pisses me off when someone asks me such a question because I never know what to reply to it. I can't outwardly display my apathetic attitude towards a great deal of things in my life because somehow, I just know it won't be accepted. People just expect you to be so sure about anything and everything. Hesitation is a crime. Indifference is a crime. And the saddest of all, these are the two things that I am filled to the brim with.
For our final assignment in Design Fundamental class this semester, we were to paint on a canvas using acrylic. The style was supposed to reflect the Impressionism/Expressionism style of art (or so, I think. They probably changed the theme and I didn't know. The lecturers never were clear about what they wanted us to do, anyway) but in the end there were people doing all sorts of stuff, even abstract. Even mine doesn't look much like an Impressionism style of art at all. Beforehand, I remembered we had been told to find pictures of landscapes so I assumed that was what they wanted us to based our paintings on. Well... It's no use complaining now that everything's over and done with. You might be interested to know, however, that my hostel block suffered a blackout the last 2 days before the final submission, just when everyone's switching into first gear to complete their assignments in time. Such lovely luck, we had. Students even resorted to painting in corridors just so they could use the corridor lights (which remained on, inspite of the blackout). In the MMU hostels, sockets for the PCs are of a separate circuit so that even if there were a blackout, the computers could still function. However, it was just my luck that at the end of the second day, even those sockets were rendered useless for reasons I no longer care to know. This was a problem faced by a few very random, very unfortunate people... myself, being one of them. So... armed with my trusty table lamp and whatever tools I'd needed, I dragged my canvas to the 3rd floor where my friend's room was since her sockets were perfectly fine. Ah, not to forget, a number of us did not have stands to hold our canvases. I, for one, had taped mine onto the wall. It was of great relief that the electricity went back on at about 12 a.m. I continued working on my painting until 8.45 a.m with no sleep. I doubt anyone slept that day. The submission was at 9. Didn't even bathe... did some rushed touch-ups, washed my face and went straight to class. That was a first, truly. Before this, I have always managed to at least squeeze a few minutes to bathe no matter how pressed for time I was.
Here is the picture of the finished painting (click for larger view). I was in a rush. Unfortunately, there were many parts in the picture that I wished I'd had the time to mend... There was just so much that I missed and had only noticed at the very last minute.
The condition of my work space... hahaha. (I've since moved the canvas closer to the ground. XD;;)
Progress 1 (Still in pencil-outline condition.)
Progress 2 (Started on the clouds... they were fun to do.)
Progress 3 (Same thing.)
Progress 4 (Started on some houses.)
Progress 5 (You can see it slowly taking shape now. Used masking tapes at some parts.)
But of course, none of my entries are complete without the mentioning of at least one of my latest obsessions. Well, marking the end of 2006 and the start of the new year, I am turning my undivided attention towards La Corda d'Oro ~Primo Passo~. It was originally a love simulation game (you know what that means... Bishie harem!!) by Koei under their popular Neoromance series which were aimed at girls. The game was titled: Kiniro no Corda/The Golden Chord. Koei was also the same company responsible for Harukanaru Toki no Naka de (therefore you may notice some similarities) if you still remember that title. I had mentioned it in one of my entries and what do you know... it turns out that there actually were multiple endings for the anime after all! (Everyone can end up with Akane yaaay!!! XD) These endings are not available in the VCDs purchased outside which explained why they weren't in mine (Malaysian anime VCDs/DVDs are pretty unreliable). From what I came to understand, these episodes were compiled into a special omake DVD... or something. Correct me if I'm wrong, my memory fails me at the moment. Anyways, fear not because you can still watch them at Youtube.com. You can find almost ANYTHING at youtube nowadays. Just type the name of your desired male character + omake ending and you're all set. The only ending that's not available to view was Akuramu's and I find that very amusing. Well.... at least I finally get to see my Yasuaki x Akane pairing being realized... not to mention, Yorihisa x Akane too! Hahaha. I must say, Tomomasa's was the best one, IMO.
Uh... back to La Corda d'oro ~Primo Passo~!!! Shoujo alert!! //back off SLOWLY if you can't tolerate vast amount of shoujo-ness//
Hino Kahoko goes to Seiso Gakuen, a school that specialises in music and has two streams: the general stream and the music stream, where the music students are regarded as the more elite. She was running late for her class one day when she saw a tiny fairy, who seemed really excited that she could see it. The next day, the entrants in the music competition, who are decided by the school, are announced. Hino's name appears on the list - except she doesn't play an instrument. The fairy then gives her a magical violin that can be played by anyone. Reluctantly, Hino attended the competition despite the prejudices of her peers, only to find how wonderful music truly was, and most of all, she was surrounded by other very attractive contestants... and so the fun begins.
Ohh, my bad... can't forget the bishiounen, can we? Let's see... Tsukimori Len (violin), cold, uptight and is absolutely serious about his music; Tsuchiura Ryotaro (piano), the only general ed student to join the concours other than Hino; Hihara Kazuki (Trumpet), cheerful, energetic and all around good guy; Shimizu Keiichi (cello), soft-spoken and loves to sleep, Yunoki Azuma(flute), outwardly charming but hiding something more sinister just beneath the surface.
Related links:La Corda animesuki forum (episode sumaries & discussions)My Neoromance (Episodes, music, guides, manga, galleries, forum)
Opus (La Corda LJ community)
NeoRomance Love (Neoromance LJ community)
Currently, the only subbed episodes available are 1-5 done by StrawberryMintSubs though the RAWS are now up to episode 14. Episodes 1-14 are available on youtube. Some may be pleased to know that seiyuu Masakazu Morita who voiced Ichigo from Bleach is also responsible for voicing Hihara in La Corda. The same goes for Tsuchiura who is voiced by Itou Kentarou who did Abarai Renji. Personally, I really love how the main heroine sounds. I have a penchant for red-heads, by the way. XD Hino is surprisingly tolerable for a main character in a harem shoujo series. I find her personality very believable and far from annoying. Oh yes, she's a lot better than Akane will ever be. Hihara is a second favourite... he's just that likable! He's so much fun, you can't help but love him~ Tsuchiura is a nice guy but for some reason, he does not score too high in my meter... (maybe cuz he has the most potential to disrupt my One True Pairing XD;; Oh noooesss!). I'm kinda looking forward to seeing more of the twisted side to Yunoki too...
My favourite is of course, Tsukimori Len! I have a soft spot for serious-looking guys with a center that needs to be melted. *squeezes him* The fact that he can be such a cold-hearted bastard is exactly why I find him so adorable. I even have his voice message from the Divertimento CD play over and over in my Zen player. Hahaha~ His character songs, Flame and Prelude - Aoitsuki Hikari are gorgeous, with violin music playing in the background, befitting of his choice of instrument in the series! I cannot recommend them highly enough! Just... ignore the Engrish parts...haha! But seriously, the songs are damn good! Oh, and did I mention that he's birthday's on April 24? Mine is April 25. It's FATE!!!!
I'm rooting for Tsukimori x Hino all the way! Woohooo~ There's just something in the old 'opposites attract' thing that's just so terribly appealing. Moreover, they balance each other so well! His seriousness + her liveliness makes for a heck of an adorable couple! Take their name, for instance. Hino and Tsukimori. Sun and Moon. Yin and yang. Balance! Add in all all that talk about the 'violin romance' legend from the game and the fact that they both play the same type of instrument... Yep! My logic never fails~ And goddamnit I don't care if this pairing's too obvious or if you can see it coming a mile away...! Bleh~ I hope they make multiple endings for this series as well. If I see Hino ending up with anyone else I'd die.
So obsessed am I towards this series and anything related to it that I even went as far as to order my own copy of the game online through PlayAsia. My very FIRST experience of buying stuff online. Surprisingly, I didn't need to bat my eyelids in order to rope my dad into agreeing to it this time. Odd indeed, but hey I'm not complaining! The only problem is... the shipping's on Jan 16. That, and I'll probably give it a week to get here. Putting those into account, I do hope I'll be able to get a hold of it before my 3-week holiday ends... >__> It's a PS2 game and the kind which you really need to put your head into. I heard it's pretty tough for non-Japanese-speakers! Huu.... time to brush up on my nihongo skills. >_<;; *cries*
More on the game in later entries cuz I'm just lazy. Ah... before I forget. Since I'm not thinking straight thanks to this obsession taking over my brain, I decided to translate one of the three Japanese Tsukimori x Hino fanfics I stumbled upon on the net. Yes, you read right. Japanese. Huhuhu... err... yeah. It's in the works.
La Corda also sparked my sudden burst of enthusiasm in classical music... hahaha! Chopin, Schubert, Mozart, Kreisler, I'm memorizing them all~ The timing seems perfect too, what with the current popularity of the Nodame Cantabile manga and its live-action drama counterpart (which was surprisingly good, actually! Go watch it! Hillarious~ Hey, maybe youtube has it! XD). Plus, I'm suddenly itching to get my own violin... >_< I really regret not learning the instrument and chose organ instead. Wuuu... Does anyone have an old violin they're willing to give away? Please... I'm desperate... *trashes around* <--- (apparently, she's easily influenced.)
Random: Ueki is such a likable character~ I love The Law of Ueki. It makes me laugh in so many ways... XD
Posted at 03:49 pm by Chihori
Friday, October 27, 2006
Current song: Through the Years [Hoshi no Koe; The Voices of a Distant Star OST]
Quote of the day:
”There are very few moments in life as good as this. Let's remember it. To each of us and all of us, never have we been more close, may we never be farther apart.” – Lloyd Richards
It finally came today!! OMGOMGOMG~ I was beginning to think it got lost in the mail or something. Everyone else has gotten theirs months before, which is why it sucks living in Malaysia, sometimes...
I'm working on a drawing for someone. It's been so long, I'm not sure if the person even remembers about the art trade. ^^; I haven't had the time to attempt it until recently and even now, it's not going rather well. I'm still doing the sketching part. I keep noticing mistakes, flipping it over, correcting it, and noticing more mistakes. Things are going real slow.
Yesterday, I finished my first out of 2 commissions for a friend. I normally don't do commisions. I'm too lazy for them. Most probably, my commisioners would have to wait until god-knows-when for their stuff to be completed. However, it so happens that at the moment, I have a huge guilty-conscience. That, and I need the money.
It didn't really feel like a commission since I did it for someone I know, anyway. I simply coloured an already finished Kingdom Hearts line-art which her group's going to sell as posters during this year's Comic Fiesta. Their group name's: Thingamajig. Look out for them.
Several of my markers need to be re-stocked.
Posted at 07:38 pm by Chihori
Monday, October 16, 2006
Current song: Caged Bird – Miyamoto Shunichi
Quote of the day:
It was difficult, realizing that even when heart and soul were completely placed into a game, when nothing mattered but victory no matter how it was achieved, holding complete confidence in that strength, that defeat could still come.
-- The Neverending Road by Leitbur (a HikaGo fic)
I'm so lethargic lately (and I don't think the fasting month is to be blamed). I have lost interest in many things. I just feel like sleeping my day away. I'm back in my old 'I-dunno-what-the-hell-I'm-doing-anymore' mindset. Too tired to care, but still caring nonetheless and yet… unable to bring myself to do anything about it.
Adding salt to wound, I just finished reading Hikaru no Go. Yes, admittedly I skipped a lot of chapters, only beginning my read at the part where Sai disappeared. As you might've guessed, it got me so utterly depressed especially when the ending was totally unsatisfactory (to my taste, anyway). It was far too abrupt and open, as if screaming for a continuation which (I can bet my life) would never come. I wished there was more… God, how I wished there was more. I had a hunch it was going to end the way it did, but I had hoped that somehow… it didn't. Sai's sudden disappearance was already such a heavy, heart-breaking reality to accept. Seeing Hikaru change from a carefree, cheerful boy to a young man forced into maturity due to his sufferings had tugged at my soul in a way I never thought it would. He stood taller, his gaze sharper, yet… when he smiles or laughs, there's a trace of sadness there now that would always stay… probably for the rest of his life. That is what pains me the most. Not just because it is undeniably heart-wrenching, but also because there's so much truth in the story, in the way it mirrors our reality.
Like how each and every one of us, I'm sure, have made countless, irreversible mistakes in our lives. Those which we have to carry on forever. Things that we should've done but didn't… Words that should've been spoken… Choices… Losses… Regrets…
And the fact that in life, we don't always get that 'second chance'. More often than not, one would find that it's already too late. No matter how loud we scream, or how many tears shed, there's just no way… no way to regain that one moment in time in which we could've turned things around.
On a different note, I love the art in Hikaru no Go especially in the later volumes of the manga. Those superb marker-renderings are something that I could only hope to achieve someday. *is depressed again*
I've finished my finals and am on a 3-week holiday starting from today. Let's hope that that will equal to more entries ahead (or it can also mean my procrastinating even more… heh). I seriously need to get back on my feet and start drawing manganime again. These past few months, I've been drawing nothing but 'still life' and interior/exterior drawings (in pencil, ink, charcoal, poster colour, you name it) and I'm starting to wonder what I'd actually gotten myself into. Anyway… I need to draw the stuff that I like for a change or risk my skills deteriorating even worse than they already have (I can't even draw side-faces like I used to, for god's sake!! Yes, you're allowed to panic).
Furthermore, I'm broke and my wish-list had just gotten longer:
- marker paper
- Copics (preferably any in lighter shades)
- NOW – Sung-Woo, Park
- Hoshi no Koe/ The Voices of a Distant Star (I hunted for this at Kinokuniya but it's not there, damn it! But the manga
did show up in the directory and it's even on the top-10 list of popular manga… wth. >__>)
- Dazzle vol. 3
- Kiss For My Prince
- Comic ink
- high-quality A4 paper (cuz I'm a brat, that's why)
- hard drive
P/S: I've been listening to Caged Bird – D.N.Angel's special and highly-emotional ED song from ep.24 over and over again (while rolling around in bed, weeping). Daisuke lost Dark, Hikaru lost Sai. I think it's rather appropriate. *proceeds to bawl her eyes out*
How high would I have to fly
To lose sight of you, so far away?
If I avert my eyes
I may be able to return to being myself again
But I want to always be looking at you
Because there's no way I could forget you
At my wits' end, I simply keep staring up at the sky
It's almost as if I were a small bird
Inside a cage
Searching for a window
I yearn to see you right away
Because I love you
Even though I wanted so badly to run away
Because I'm afraid of being hurt
If these unseen barrier around me
Should tear away my wings
Still, you remain precious to me
That it hurts me so.
Posted at 10:06 pm by Chihori